Knowledge Is Power…And Added Anxiety

My doctor officially diagnosed me with hypertension, which has been a blessing and a curse. I’m glad it’s being monitored and taken seriously; I’m now on medication to help lower it. It’s probably genetic, given my age and lifestyle, which lets me off the hook a little bit. And explains why adjustments to my diet and activity levels haven’t helped over the years. 

The medication doesn’t have negative side effects and is safe to use indefinitely. My doctor confidently reported he’s prescribed it to patients since he started practicing in 2000, and many other doctors do too. I think it was to ease my mind about the prevalence or safety of the medication, so I attempted a joke about how doctors were doling out valium and oxycontin a lot back then too. You’ll note that “attempted” is the key word in that anecdote.

All Jokes Aside

It’s all well and good that I’m on the road to managing my blood pressure, since I hadn’t given it much thought until recently. Honestly I wrote it off as white coat syndrome for years until I got a BP monitor at home and tracked more regularly. Now that I know some of the dangers of hypertension, I’m more aware of my heart health than ever, which is where the curse comes into play. 

For example, as I’m writing this, I began experiencing arm tingling on my left side. This isn’t the first time I’ve experienced this sensation, and I’ve survived it every time before. No matter, my mind immediately goes to stroke or heart attack. So Dr. Google gets consulted, and it turns out tingling sensation on one side could mean those first two things. But it could also be associated with migraines, which I have a history of. This is the likely culprit. Especially given I had other symptoms a migraine was on its way earlier this morning. Do I rest easy with this information and relax? 

Of course not. I continue reading and see that this is also an early sign of multiple sclerosis. Lovely. 

Calm in the Storm

Here’s where I consult my consigliere, my husband, Arthur. He listens calmly and politely points out holes in my logic. He’ll then present the more likely explanation. A prime example was this weekend, when I experienced tingling in my hands and noticed my breathing was difficult and my chest tightened. I was completely convinced my heart would explode in my chest if I inhaled too deeply. Death was imminent. Since we were in the middle of watching a movie with the kids, my heart attack would have to wait until they went to bed. I didn’t want my death to spoil the fourth installment of Hotel Transylvania, obviously. (Although recasting Adam Sandler and Kevin James’ characters did that already.)

Anyway, the kids could find out in the morning I expired but I needed to keep Arthur informed on his impending widower status. I whispered in as calm a voice I could muster, “In case I pass out or something and you need to call the paramedics, tell them I was experiencing chest pain and hand numbness. Also that I felt like my heart would explode if I breathed too hard. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a heart attack and die if I take a deep breath.” My sweet darling husband, who’s been with me long enough to know he needs to take me seriously but also offer levity to the situation, calmly informed me it sounded like a panic attack.

Second Opinion

Fortunately for the both of us, he was absolutely right. But since I recently started the medication for hypertension and felt my heart racing, I got into my own head which amped up my physical symptoms. Arthur’s borne witness to enough of mine to know what they look like and knows exactly how to help me through them. One of many reasons I’m lucky to be married to him and one of many that makes me wonder what in the world he gets out of our relationship.

The last week reconfirms a lesson I’ve learned repeatedly over the years, which is that communication is everything. By being honest with my doctor, he’s able to help me work on managing hypertension. And while it’s definitely increased my anxiety surrounding my health, communicating that with my husband helps reign in some of my darker thoughts. I know what to keep an eye out for and when to ask for help. 

Speaking of which, I need to consult with Arthur about whether this tingling is a migraine or multiple sclerosis. It’s probably the former, but it doesn’t hurt to get a second opinion. Especially if the first comes from the internet.