Through the Storm

I hesitated to share my last post, because I knew it would elicit uncomfortable feelings for others. While putting depression into words isn’t new for me, sharing thoughts of suicidal ideation with anyone outside my husband and mental health providers is unchartered territory. 

Anytime I open up about my experience with depression or anxiety, I’m rewarded with people reaching out. They want to check in and make sure I’m okay. Their coos of concern remind me not everyone knows what it’s like living with a mental health disorder. They ask how they can help and let me know they’re there if needed. 

To those who read it as a cry for help, rest assured: I wrote it on the other side of a depressive episode. My intent wasn’t to alarm anyone; but, I recognize it did. And for that, I’m sorry. 

Power in Numbers

People familiar with these disorders check in with me, too. But they also express relief and recognition upon reading someone else has similar struggles. This audience, in particular, is why I felt compelled to share my deepest side of depression. 

It’s scary to be vulnerable. A part of me was afraid to admit, in writing, the thoughts I have on my darkest days. What do I have to be depressed about? I’m a stay-at-home mom with two healthy sons, a supportive husband, and financial security. 

But along with telling lies, depression doesn’t discriminate. So while I run the risk of coming off as overly dramatic or attention-seeking, I know representation matters. Finding people who are open about their mental health makes me feel seen. They show me that they’ve also survived their worst days. Most of all, they remind me we are more than our disorders.

Building Bridges 

I vehemently believe the more we open up about our experiences, the less alone we find ourselves. Even if others don’t live in similar circumstances, sharing our stories cultivates empathy. I’ll consider my life well-lived if I can be a small part of this progress. 

That being said, I hope to share more of the bright side of living with depression and anxiety. Because there is beauty in the darkness. Knowing you have supportive friends and family, for instance, who check in when things are hard. And are there even when you share the most vulnerable side of yourself. Cheering you on to the other side and holding space for you when you’re ready to join.