Crushes: Cute or Creepy?

One of life’s greatest pleasures are crushes. Being attracted to another person, for reasons you might not understand. Feeling compelled to catch the eye of someone and (hopefully) keep their interest. When it’s reciprocated? That’s when the magic really begins.

But in those nascent stages – when you’re not sure whether the other person feels the same way – crushes can toe the line between cute and creepy. And it’s a shame, really, that something starting off so innocent and innocuous can transform into the intense and insane. It’s a delicate dance, a crush.

Meet Cute?

The initial interactions with my husband straddled the line between creepy and cute, so I know how quickly a crush can vacillate between the two. The way Arthur tells it, he saw a cute girl in a public-speaking class and sat next to her, divvying himself into the small group she was in when the class broke up for a project. From my perspective, a tall, dark-haired and creepy guy dressed like one of the Columbine shooters edged his way into my duo, making us an unwanted trio. It’s all about perspective.

My hackles were raised that first day, but as I spent more time with Arthur during class, the more I found myself wanting to spend time with him outside of it.  Any disinterest I had faded as we shared senses of humor and tastes in television shows. I started developing a crush on this cute, albeit semi-creepy, guy who shared my stepdad’s name. As the quarter went on, I hoped he had time after class to hang out, and was sorely disappointed when he didn’t.

More Than Friends

Back in 2005, a lot of our communication happened via AIM (AOL instant messenger). Whenever his username popped up, I’d get giddy, wondering if he saw I was online. Did he feel a similar tingle in his stomach when he did? Was he excited at the prospect of talking to me? We both lived in the same dorm, so if I spotted him in the cafeteria, I hoped he’d invite me to sit with him and his friends. Did he like me like me? Or was he too polite to shake me off? Now I worried I was the creep.

But given his first impression, was I even capable of having a crush on Arthur? Sure, we had become friends. But did I like him as a romantic interest or just like him as a person? My best friend Pam and I were shopping in American Eagle at the mall (again, it’s early 2005), and I was talking about how Arthur ticked a lot of boxes in terms of what I looked for in a boyfriend. But we were just friends; neither of us had made a move in the romantic direction. Not to mention I found him creepy at first, so how could I have a crush? She wisely advised me that he sounded ideal for me and I should give him a shot. See where it goes.

Happily Ever After

Spoiler alert: Pam ended up giving the maid of honor speech at Arthur’s and my wedding five-and-a-half years later. Arthur thinks the only reason I found him creepy at first was because he expressed interest in me. I still think it was his sartorial choices AND his eagerness to be near me. We’re well past the crush stage of our relationship, but I still have feelings for my husband that could be divided into cute and creepy categories. Getting excited when he walks in the room: cute. Wanting him to carry me around in a backpack so we can always be together: creepy. Smiling at the sound of his voice in a voicemail: cute. Keeping track of his location when he’s away: creepy.

Turns out I’m the real creep in the relationship.